When we were little girls, we used to play with dolls. It didn’t matter what brand they were, it didn’t matter if they were even different toys. We always paired them together, even making a family of them. A sister, best friend, even a neighbor. Even then, when we might not have had the best dollhouse, we made sure they were the best of friends. Naturally, that was our first idea of what a friendship was, or how it should be.. As we grow into our teenage years, we’ve lost that idea in our lives.
As girls grow up, friendships shape us just as much as a family does. It could be the girl from preschool, the one in your neighborhood, or even the one you bonded with at the swing sets during recess. Some of us grow up with sisters but struggle to find the meaning of friendship. Or, it could be the other way around. Either way, any form of a female connection matters.
There’s a certain comfort in female friendships that’s hard to replicate. You can be 6 years old, talking to the 46-year-old woman next door, admiring her, and asking for advice. You can be a 12-year-old, sitting at the crowded lunch table with your “best friends,” laughing so loud it echoes throughout the cafeteria. Or you can be fifteen, sitting alone at lunch, wondering if your old friends think about you, too. It’s comforting to know you have people who care about you at the end of the day, even when they’re aware of your imperfections, but there’s also a melancholy comfort in knowing that you aren’t being secretly judged by those who wiped your tears after being broken up with for the first time. It’s odd, but it’s a shared experience, shared pressure or relief, and a moment of freedom. As much as we think about those moments where we felt understood, even without speaking, only through body language, how someone can instantly tell what you’re feeling through your eyes, a moment we cannot replicate.
Scientifically and from personal experience, strong friendships significantly impact mental health. That can be positive or negative. Friendships especially affect teenage girls. We go through so many experiences, yet I think the ones that hurt most are losing someone you could talk to for hours. I personally have met some of the best girls. At that moment, in those couple of years of being friends, I felt like I was gifted the world. It felt amazing to be understood without properly communicating my feelings or thoughts. It felt so good knowing I had someone saving me in days that couldn’t go bright. But one day it all changes. We grow up, things happen, life happens. Now we only walk past each other, not even taking a glance at each other. The longing to reach out heavies every time.
The healthiest romantic relationship could not replace that longing, the instant connection between two women who understand each other’s struggles without exchanging words. Yes, your boyfriend loves you deeply, but he may never fully understand what it feels like to grow up as a girl in this world. The expectations, the beauty standards, the insecurities, or even your manner of talking. Only another woman could understand. We grow up in a society where women are constantly compared. Who’s prettier, smarter, more girlfriend material? We are slowly taught to see each other as competition. As we compete, instead of connecting. That competition can break friendships before they even begin.
Friendship heartbreak is a heart-aching topic for some of us. Your first female friendship breakup can feel just as devastating as losing a romantic partner. Usually it happens during the time when friendships are supposed to blossom, when you finally think you’ve found the girls who will stand next to you at your wedding someday. I experienced that kind of heartbreak multiple times. My younger-self thought friendships were supposed to be long-lasting. However, it seems that the reminiscence lasts longer. I was forced to realize that not every friendship is going to grow with you. Some are just meant to teach you and leave.
Female friendships teach us how to communicate, how to take accountability, how to express ourselves, to explore without hesitation, to set boundaries, and simply to know how to accept and walk away. They shape our perspective, influence the way we see ourselves, and remind us who we are in a world that tries to tell us otherwise.
Our Barbies were never friendless. Even if they didn’t have a stable home, they created one together. Maybe that was the teaching all along, that a home isn’t a roof and walls but another heart and soul. Women do not need to compete with each other; we cannot let ourselves be influenced by society’s old traditions, and we will always need each other. Or, choose women who choose to need you
